The Lord is my shepherd; I have all that I need. He lets me rest in green meadows; he leads me beside peaceful streams. He renews my strength. He guides me along right paths, bringing honor to his name. Even when I walk through the darkest valley, I will not be afraid, for you are close beside me. Your rod and your staff protect and comfort me. You prepare a feast for me in the presence of my enemies. You honor me by anointing my head with oil. My cup overflows with blessings. Surely your goodness and unfailing love will pursue me all the days of my life, and I will live in the house of the Lord forever.
Psalm 23:1-6
I will never forget the moment last summer when I answered the phone from an unknown number. It was my uncle on the other line. He was calling to tell me that his older brother, my dad, had passed away. I got off the phone with my uncle and had to do one of the hardest things I have ever done: I had to call my older brother and then my younger sister and tell them that our dad was gone. It was not the call I expected to get on a sunny Tuesday morning in mid-August. The sun was shining that day, but that was the day that my world went dark. The moment that I found out that my dad was no longer a phone call away, I could no longer see or feel the sun. You see, two years before this, my siblings and I said goodbye to our mom and now suddenly we were adult orphans. A little over three months after my dad passed, we buried his mom, my precious grandma. It felt like I was not just walking through the “darkest valley” that David mentions, it felt like I was stuck knee-deep in the mud and there was no getting out. I simply did not understand where God was, why I was stuck in the mud, and why I felt so lost and alone.
I remember praying, begging and screaming at God to show me where he was, and in every circumstance and every time my heart broke just a little more, God was able to show me he was there with me. There is quite literally only one person who can walk through the darkest valleys with us, and Jesus was there in the mud with me, slowly trudging along. The Psalmist does not say that the trip through the valley is going to be an easy one. He also does not say that the trip through the valley is going to be a short one. What he says here is that even when we are walking (or in my case trudging through the mud of the valley), Jesus is there. He is there to provide light in the dark.
There is also a fear that comes with being in the darkest valley. This fear of getting lost in the darkness and getting lost in my grief has encompassed me. This fear has shown up and disguised itself as depression, insomnia, anxiety, and panic attacks; and yet I know that Jesus is near. And when the Light is near, it is impossible to get lost in the darkness. In addition to the light that is close to me, I am also holding onto the rod that my shepherd is carrying. This rod is there to comfort and protect me. This rod is there for me to grab onto when I slip and fall. This rod is there for me to catch my balance when I stumble a little or a lot, and I can picture the hook on the rod pulling me closer to him when I start to wander away because I am scared or simply because I am tired. Jesus is there whispering to me to keep going and constantly reminding me that I am not alone, that he is close and holding onto me, and that I will make it through this.
The darkest valley hurts and the darkest valley is so hard, but this is where the love of God truly is shown. In fact, the Psalm starts by telling me that because God is my shepherd I already have everything I need. Then he has me rest in the green meadows and he restores my strength. The dark valleys are going to come—there is no way around those and everyone will eventually go through them. However, spending time with God when we are not in the valley prepares us for when we are. Nothing could have prepared me for the intense pain and sorrow that losing my dad caused; however, when I got off the phone with my uncle, I was immediately surrounded by friends and community to love and care for me because God had already provided all that I need.
I am still trudging through the mud and in the valley, but God’s provision and, more importantly, his unfailing love is what gets me out of bed every day. God’s unfailing love and his pursuit of me is why I can lift my hands in worship with tears streaming down my face on Father’s Day knowing how much I miss my earthly father. God’s unfailing love is why, even in the darkest valley, I can show up and love others by serving on a team and being in a Dinner Party. God’s unfailing love is how I know that heartache and hope can co-exist. It is how I know I can have complete wholeness as a daughter of God, and yet still be so broken that breathing does not always come naturally. The darkest valley is where I can truly see and feel God’s unfailing love for me, and the fact that Jesus is always willing to get his robe dirty and walk through the mud with me shows me that his devotion to me is never-ending.
The unfailing love of God is promised, and in the cyclical nature of Psalm 23 I know that eventually, I will rest in the green meadows again but until I do, I will hold onto the comfort and peace that only Jesus can provide.
Leona Foxworth
God help me remember the quiet moments when I was resting in green meadows before the dark moments came. Allow me to trust your light is always there to guide me and as we walk through the dark valleys give me the strength to hold on to you until we get back to the meadows.
