When the Lord brought back his exiles to Jerusalem, it was like a dream! We were filled with laughter, and we sang for joy. And the other nations said, “What amazing things the Lord has done for them.” Yes, the Lord has done amazing things for us! What joy! Restore our fortunes, Lord, as streams renew the desert. Those who plant in tears will harvest with shouts of joy. They weep as they go to plant their seed, but they sing as they return with the harvest.
Psalms 126:1-6
When I was a kid, I was a huge crier. I would cry over everything, unable to handle my emotions well. This is what kids do, yes, but for some reason I learned that big emotions weren't received well by others. For a period of time in my adulthood, I trained myself not to cry so much, because I didn’t want to be known as the girl that cried all the time. I could just stifle my emotions, grin and bear it, and be fine.
It wasn’t until I got into a godly community where I learned I was telling myself a lie—that I knew I needed to cry but I couldn’t, because I trained myself not to. I had been speaking that over myself for so long that I didn’t realize it put me out of touch with how I was actually feeling and stunted me from learning how to deal with difficult emotions. I was more concerned with people’s perception of me than how I felt. I wasn’t letting God help me walk through feelings like sadness, anger, frustration, or disappointment, because I deemed them as “bad” and didn’t want to let others, including God, into those things.
But how kind God was to deliver me from that. He taught me that how I felt wasn’t bad and in fact, He wanted me to go deeper with my feelings so He could show me the depth of His love for me. He showed me that to know the depths of sadness or anger would also mean that I would know the heights of joy that he would have for me. He has shown me time and time again that He has joy coming for me. And even though I’m still a big crier, I am also a big laugher. That I can be angry or frustrated and still exude grace. There is duality in everything—and there is true harvest on the other side of tears, and sacrifice, and sowing when it feels like nobody sees or you’re not getting anywhere. We must take the good with the bad. But bless the Lord that there is always a harvest with Him—a harvest in Him.
LeShaun Jones
Thank you Lord that we can always rely on your faithfulness. In our weakness, you are strong, and you are the blessing in every circumstance. In our everyday doing, may we stop and understand how deeply we are loved by you, and spend intimate time with you. I surrender my feelings to you today, and pray that you would show me where you are in everything.
