Wash me clean from my guilt.
Purify me from my sin.
For I recognize my rebellion;
it haunts me day and night.
Psalm 51:3-4
One afternoon, my parents were watching novelas on our brand new couch, so my brother sneakily took one of the pillowcase plastics that wasn’t being used and snuck it into our bedroom. We were young—I was maybe five—so when my brother asked me to zip shut the plastic cover as he crouched inside to play space boy, I zipped him up. Moments later my brother signaled for me to unzip the plastic, pointing with urgency, but for some reason I didn’t react—paralyzed by confusion, I just stood there and watched as my brother was suffocating, gasping for air. Thankfully, adrenaline kicked in, and with a burst of strength, he broke out, seconds before passing out.In time, guilt crawled in.
What ifs haunted me. How could I live with the fact that I could’ve saved my brother but didn’t? I wrestled through dark, unsettling thoughts.
Before knowing Jesus, this is how I approached my life: not understanding that the things I was participating in were sin and suffocating my life and those I loved on a larger scale. I watched my rebellion from a distance and allowed it to drive me into costly decisions. When I left sin zipped shut for a while, eventually shame, guilt, trauma, pain followed.
But when I accepted Jesus into my heart, I had my first fresh breath of air. Jesus tore the veil. He broke through my guilt and freed me from the what ifs with truth and assurance.Sometimes I still feel paralyzed by fear and confusion. But he is faithful to break through even when I do not know what to do. This is what Jesus does. He saves us and continues to save us—He’s faithful to continue working in our lives. Romans 8:28 reminds us that “God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them.”
Seeing how he saved me and how he continues to show me the way, I choose to worship. Even when I feel stuck, I can turn to him. Now God’s given me the key to unlock my paralyzed heart into freedom—looking to him in worship and remembrance.
Jason Perez
Padre, I trust you with all things—with the now and the forever. I bring to you all that is weighing me down and all that is paralyzing to my walk with you. Help me to see myself how you view me and fill me with your wind of joy. Nothing can contain your love towards me. Te amo, Jesus. Amen.
